[Chorus]
It'll stop any day now (Any day now, any day now)
It'll stop any day now (Any day now, any day now)
It'll stop any day now (Any day now, any day now)
It'll stop any day now (Any day now, any day now)
It'll stop any day now (Any day now, any day now)
It'll stop any day now (Any day now, any day now)
[Verse 1]
So long, goodbye
I'll see you when I see you
You can pick the street
I'll meet you on the other side
So long, goodbye
Do I really have to finish?
Do returns always diminish?
Did I say that right?
Does anybody want to joke
When no one's laughing in the background?
[Chorus]
So this is how it ends?
I promise to never go outside again
[Verse 2]
So long, bye
I'm slowly losing power
Has it only been an hour?
No, that can't be right
So long, goodbye
Hey, here's a fun idea
How about I sit on the couch
And I watch you next time?
I wanna hear you tell a joke
When no onе's laughing in the background
[Chorus]
So this is how it ends?
I promise to nеver go outside again
[Bridge]
Am I going crazy?
Would I even know?
Am I right back where I started fourteen years ago?
Wanna guess the ending?
If it ever does
I swear to God that all I've ever wanted was
A little bit of everything all of the time
A bit of everything all of the time
Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime
I'm finished playin', and I'm stayin' inside
[Verse 3]
If I wake up in a house that's full of smoke
I'll panic, so call me up and tell me a joke
When I'm fully irrelevant and totally broken, damn it
Call me up and tell me a joke
Oh, shit
You're really joking at a time like this?
[Outro]
Well, well, look who's inside again
Went out to look for a reason to hide again
Well, well, buddy, you found it
Now come out with your hands up
We've got you surrounded
[Chorus]
Get your fuckin' hands up
Get on out of your seats
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
Get your fuckin' hands up
Get on out of your seats
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
[Verse 1]
Are you feeling nervous? Are you having fun?
It's almost over, it's just begun
Don't overthink this, look in my eye
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Come on in, the water's fine
[Pre-Chorus]
We're goin' to go where everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody, oh
We're goin' to go where everybody knows
Everybody knows
[Chorus]
Get your fuckin' hands up
Get on out of your seat
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
Ayy, come on, get your fuckin' hands up
Get on out of your seat
All eyes on me, all eyes on me, yeah, come on
Heads down, pray for me
Heads down now, pray for me
Get your fuckin' hands up
Get on out of your seat
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
[Interlude]
You wanna hear a funny story?
So, uh, five years ago, I quit performing live comedy
Because I was beginning to have, uh, severe panic attacks while on stage
Which is not a great place to have them
So I, I quit, and I didn't perform for five years
And I spent that time trying to improve myself mentally
And you know what? I did! I got better
I got so much better, in fact, that in January of 2020
I thought, "You know what? I should start performing again
I've been hiding from the world and I need to re-enter"
And then, the funniest thing happened
[Verse 2]
Are you feeling nervous? Are you having fun?
It's almost over, it's just begun
Don't overthink this, look in my eye
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Come on in, the water's fine
[Verse 3]
You say the ocean's rising like I give a shit
You say the whole world's ending, honey, it already did
You're not gonna slow it, Heaven knows you tried
Got it? Good, now get inside
[Pre-Chorus]
We're goin' to go where everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
We're goin' to go where everybody knows
Everybody knows
[Chorus]
Come on, get your fuckin' hands up
Get on out of your seat
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
Hey, come on, get your fuckin' hands up
Get on out of your seats
All eyes on me, all eyes on me, yeah
Heads down, pray for me
Heads down now, pray for me
I said get your fuckin' hands up
Get up, get up
I'm talkin' to you, get the fuck up
[Chorus]
Get your fuckin' hands up
Get on out of your seat
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
Ayy, fuckin' get your fuckin' hands up
Get on out of your seat
All eyes on me, all eyes on me, yeah
Come on, heads down, pray for me
Heads down now, pray for me
I said get your fuckin' hands up
Get on—
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
[Intro]
I can't really, uh, play the guitar very well
Um, or sing, so, you know, apologies
[Verse 1]
Stunning 8K resolution meditation app
In honor of the revolution, it's half-off at the Gap
Deadpool's self-awareness, loving parents, harmless fun
The backlash to the backlash to the thing that's just begun
[Chorus]
There it is again
That funny feeling
That funny feeling
There it is again
That funny feeling
That funny feeling
[Verse 2]
The surgeon general's pop-up shop, Robert Iger's face
Discount Etsy agitprop, Bugles' take on race
Female Colonel Sanders, easy answers, civil war
The whole world at your fingеrtips, the ocean at your door
The livе-action Lion King, the Pepsi Halftime Show
Twenty-thousand years of this, seven more to go
Carpool Karaoke, Steve Aoki, Logan Paul
A gift shop at the gun range, a mass shooting at the mall
[Chorus]
There it is again
That funny feeling
That funny feeling
There it is again
That funny feeling
That funny feeling
[Verse 3]
Reading Pornhub's terms of service, going for a drive
And obeying all the traffic laws in Grand Theft Auto V
Full agoraphobic, losing focus, cover blown
A book on getting better hand-delivered by a drone
Total disassociation, fully out your mind
Googling "derealization," hating what you find
That unapparent summer air in early fall
The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all
[Chorus]
There it is again
That funny feeling
That funny feeling
There it is again
That funny feeling
That funny feeling
[Outro]
Hey, what can you say?
We were overdue
But it'll be over soon
You wait
Hey, what can you say?
We were overdue
But it'll be over soon
Just wait
Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da
Hey, what can you say?
We were overdue
But it'll be over soon
You wait
Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da
Hey, what can you say?
We were overdue, oh
But it'll be over soon
You wait
Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da
Hey, what can you say?
We were overdue
But it'll be over soon
You wait
Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da
[Verse 1]
Welcome to the internet! Have a look around
Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found
We've got mountains of content, some better, some worse
If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first
[Verse 2]
Welcome to the internet! Come and take a seat
Would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet?
There's no need to panic; this isn't a test, haha
Just nod or shake your head, and we'll do the rest
[Verse 3]
Welcome to thе internet! What would you prefеr?
Would you like to fight for civil rights or tweet a racial slur?
Be happy! Be horny! Be bursting with rage!
We've got a million different ways to engage
[Verse 4]
Welcome to the internet! Put your cares aside
Here's a tip for straining pasta; here's a nine-year-old who died
We've got movies and doctors and fantasy sports
And a bunch of colored-pencil drawings of all the different characters in Harry Potter fucking each other
[Verse 5]
Welcome to the internet! Hold on to your socks
'Cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his cock
They are grainy and off-putting; he just sent you more
Don't act surprised, you know you like it, you whore
[Verse 6]
See a man beheaded, get offended, see a shrink
Show us pictures of your children, tell us every thought you think
Start a rumor, buy a broom, or send a death threat to a boomer
Or DM a girl and groom her, do a Zoom or find a tumor in your—
Here's a healthy breakfast option, you should kill your mom
Here's why women never fuck you; here's how you can build a bomb
Which Power Ranger are you? Take this quirky quiz
Obama sent the immigrants to vaccinate your kids
[Chorus]
Could I interest you in everything all of the time?
A little bit of everything all of the time?
Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime
Anything and everything, all of the time
Could I interest you in everything all of the time?
A little bit of everything all of the time?
Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime
Anything and everything, all of the time
[Interlude]
You know, it wasn't always like this
[Bridge]
Not very long ago, just before your time
Right before the towers fell, circa '99
This was catalogs, travel blogs, a chatroom or two
We set our sights and spent our nights waiting
For you!
You, insatiable you
Mommy let you use her iPad; you were barely two
And it did all the things we designed it to do
Now, look at you! Oh, ha, look at you!
You, you! Unstoppable, watchable
Your time is now; your inside's out; honey, how you grew
And if we stick together, who knows what we'll do?
It was always the plan to put the world in your hand
[Break]
(*Laughs*)
[Chorus]
Could I interest you in everything all of the time?
A bit of everything all of the time?
Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime
Anything and everything, all of the time
Could I interest you in everything all of the time?
A little bit of everything all of the time?
Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime
Anything and everything and anything and everything
And anything and everything and
All of the time
[Intro]
So, um... Uh, my current mental health is-is rapidly approaching, um... an ATL... which is, um... That's an all-time low. Not... Not Atlanta. And, you know, I feel okay when I'm asleep. Like, when I'm asleep I feel alright. But it's basically... From the moment I wake up, I, uh... I just get this
[Verse]
Feeling in my body
Way down deep inside me
I try not to fight it (Describe it!)
Alright, a few things start to happen
My vision starts to flatten
My heart, it gets to tappin'
And I think I'm gonna die!
[Intro]
How we feelin' out there tonight?
Hahaha, yeah
I am not feeling good
[Verse]
Wake up at 11:30, feeling like a bag of shit (Oh, no!)
All my clothes are dirty, so I'm smelling like a bag of shit
Go to pour my coffee, and I miss my cup
OMG, that is just my luck
Look in the mirror, say, "What's up, you useless fuck?"
[Pre-Chorus]
Are you feeling what I'm feeling?
I haven't had a shower in the last nine days (Ah-ah, ah)
Staring at the ceiling and waiting for this feeling to go away
But it won't go away
[Chorus]
I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit
(Tell us how you're feelin') Well, I feel like shit (Oh, shit)
Feeling like a saggy, massive sack of shit (Oh, shit)
Big ol' motherfuckin' duffel bag of shit (Oh, shit)
All day, all shit
I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit
(Tell us how you're feelin') I'm feeling like shit
[Outro]
Ladies (Yeah?) Do you feel like shit?
Tell me, do you feel likе shit? (Oh, yeah)
Fellas (Huh?) Are you feeling likе shit?
Tell me, are you feeling like shit? (Oh, yeah)
Ladies (Yeah?) Do you feel like shit?
Tell me, do you feel like shit? (Oh, yeah)
Fellas (Huh?) Are you feeling like shit?
Tell me, are you feelin' like shit? (Oh, yeah)
[Verse 1]
How are you feeling?
Do you like the show?
Are you tired of it?
Never mind, I don't wanna know
Are you finding it boring?
Too fast? Too slow?
I'm asking, but don't answer
'Cause I don't wanna know
[Verse 2]
Do I have your attention?
Yes, or no?
I bet I'd guess the answer
But I don't wanna know
Am I on in the background?
Are you on your phone?
I'd ask you what you're watching
But I don't wanna know
[Verse 3]
Is there anyone out there?
Or am I all alone?
It wouldn't make a difference
Still, I don't wanna know
I thought it'd be over by now
But I got a while to go
I'd give away the ending
But you don't wanna kn—
[Verse 1]
I used to run for miles, I used to ride my bike
I used to wake up with a smile
And go to bed at night with a dream, ah
But now I'm turning 30
No!
I used to be the young one, got used to meeting people
Who weren't used to meeting someone who was born in 1990
No way! (Yeah, I was born in 1990)
Now I'm turning thirty
God, God damn it!
[Verse 2]
When he was 27, my granddad fought in Vietnam
When I was 27, I built a birdhouse with my mom
Oh, fuck, how am I 30?
I used to make fun of the boomers; in retrospect, a bit too much
Now all these fucking zoomers are telling me that I'm out of touch?
Oh yeah? Well, your fucking phones are poisoning your minds. Okay? So when you develop a dissociative mental disorder in your late twenties, don't come crawling back to m-
[Bridge]
And now my stupid friends are having stupid children
My stupid friends are having stupid children
My stupid friends are having stupid children
My stupid friends are having stupid children
And now my stupid friends are having stupid children
My stupid friends are having stupid children
My stupid friends are having stupid children
Stupid, fucking ugly, boring children
[Outro]
It's 2020, and I'm 30, I'll do another ten
2030, I'll be 40 and kill myself then
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